The Google Calendar

Let's talk about brilliance for a minute. By brilliance, I mean the kind of brilliance that stops you in your tracks, the kind of brilliance that invented the coffee sleeve. The kind of brilliance that takes almost 10 years to build up to the boiling point of a great idea.

Last night, my hubby's ex's husband sent me a google calendar link. Apparently, after 10 years of struggling with schedules, making plans, changing plans, fighting over plans....one of the 4 people in this side of the parenting group finally got the idea of having a shared calendar...and an online one to boot! Imagine that...scheduling in realtime. No more last minute changes, reminders, panicked phone calls to cell phones wondering where my children are after being over an hour late! Sheer and utter brilliance I tell you!

Now mind you, we haven't actually used it yet...but the good news is, we can....we really can and when we do, I am sure that it will be nothing short of...BRILLIANT!

Who is thinking of the kids?

I heard 3 separate divorce stories today that made me mad. Why you ask did they make me mad? Well I will tell you. They made me mad because not one of the parents involved gave an ounce of thought to their children. They only thought of what they wanted and decided to fight the other parent for the right to be right.

In once case, a divorced father who left his wife and children for another family (and ignored his own children for more than 2 years)tried to convince the 2 sons to come and live with him instead of their mother. He attempted to pass it off as the whole "boys need to be raised by men" thing but the dumb ass accidentally let it slip that the child support was killing him.

There have been times, well and truly where my hubby and I have gone off the rails with our children's other parents because they have decided to do or say something stupid. I am also very sure that they have at times felt exactly the same about us. I also won't lie and say that in the beginning, that we all didn't fight for control over our children to prove our love to them and to deal with our fear of potentially losing them. I can however say that in all cases, my hubby and I either bit our lips nearly off, tackled each other to keep one of us from killing an ex and sometimes just plain walked away. We didn't always do things right but I can tell you, that we always....and I do mean always.....put the needs of our children first. I also believe that our ex's also tried.

Make no mistake, it's hard. It's hard to put your faith in a 4 year old to love you even when you are the one who makes him go to bed on time when another parent lets him stay up and party. It's hard to watch your child be in love with someone who hurt you so much and it's even harder to believe that that person is even capable of loving them back.

But for the love of God these feelings that we all have running around inside us in the early days of divorce have nothing to do with our children. They have everything to do with us. Our children just need to feel safe and loved.

So today I am mad. I am mad at those parents who can't put their own agendas aside to think about what is best for their kids. I am mad because I know how many kids have been hurt by this kind of fear and anger driven selfishness. I am also mad because I am sure that at some point, I was no better.

Isn't it time that we all start thinking of the kids?

Thinking about motivations...

I was chatting with a friend today...who is incidentally dating my ex husband...more strangeness just for fun. She was talking about her ex and how he has effectively begun to cut himself off from his children. He is building another family with another woman and his own children are starting to wonder why.

When he left my friend, he said that his life was too stressful yet he managed to hook up with another woman with many children and many other fathers effectively getting himself into the middle of a web of crap that made his old life with all of it's busyness look like a walk in the park. So why did he do it? Why is he so willing to leave his own children to not only focus on the issues of this other woman's family but is actually adding to her brood by fathering one of his own. In this equation, he is also removing himself from the lives of his own three children who are left looking around looking for a reason that doesn't include him leaving them because they are unlovable.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not judging. I'm just wondering. How can anyone look at three children and say I'm outta here? How can anyone just decide that people that were once important are no longer and that starting over will somehow make their life better?

Is it an emotional maturity issue? A mental disorder? Or is it a last ditch effort to take control over their lives by controlling the amount of love they choose to dish out? Is it possible that controlling our love gives us a sense of control over our lives?

If so, it's a sad, sad world....

My Ex's Cat and the Book of Awesome

So, in keeping with my family's tradition of being what other people think of as weird, my Ex came to me with a request. "Auntie M, Qtip needs a place to stay for a few weeks while I'm away...he would wuv to stay wif you"! Qtip is his cat who is notoriously mean because he lives with a guy who travels a ton and isn't known for being "loving" if you catch my drift. Yes, he is my Ex and yes, it is one of the reasons why we divorced in the first place. So here is the kicker, of course I said yes because a) I'm a helper and I knew that the Ex needed my help and b) I'm a sucker for an animal in need. Even a cat....and a mean one at that.

Here's the thing though, now he's here...we've all found that we're all allergic to him but the little bugger has turned into a snuggler and we all love him. My blended family has now decided that we would like joint custody of the cat! How's that for awesome.

Which brings me to a blog that everyone should read. 1000 Awesome things. It's a great back story of how the blog got started but the best part is the idea of seeing the Awesome in every day. Like the fact that a really mean cat of my ex husband can win the hearts of 5 people who are allergic to him enough to create a custody arrangement! Awesome!

Here is the link to his new book...really cool.